Surreal

The days following the end of school are always surreal. In a few short days I'm leaving for a wedding and then starting work, and things probably won't slow down again for a while. But for now, life looks a lot like a house full of kids and Fleet Foxes on repeat and sporadic beach trips and a clothes line out back because "sun bleaches cloth like nothing else." These days are golden.

These days go by so quickly, and sometimes that is all I see. What is passing, and what lies behind me. Things that happened and will not happen again. Memories set in stone, a gallery of reminiscence and nostalgia heavy like velvet. My neck is growing sore from looking behind for so long.
Just let them go.
Let the be what they are.
Memories.
My mother tells me I have always loved history. Books were my friends before people were, and I love studying the time and events gone by. History is comforting because I can memorize it and become familiar with it. The future, though. It's another story. A story I do not know, I can only surmise and plan and hold onto promises.

I live in two paradigms. One is competitive and upbeat and exact. The feeling of applying for work and thinking about grad school and a new car. The other paradigm...
I look out the window and see translucent leaves glittering in the afternoon sunlight, gently swaying, breathing. I close my eyes tightly and breathe too. The air is sweet and fresh because the window is open and has no screen. That makes a difference.