Pain must lodge somewhere. For some people, it settles in their disappointments and becomes bitterness. For others, it hides in the deepest recesses of their hearts and numbs them, slowly builds a wall between them and their cause of pain. I think that everyone has been hurt in some way, and we all choose how we deal with it. The automatic response to pain is denial, and then burial. But it will resurface, sooner or later, and be dealt with.
Or pain can soften our hearts and make us more sensitive and loving.
From our place of greatest suffering can we minister best.
It can become a bridge between us and the hurting.
I don't want a calloused heart.
I'm all yours, God, break me and make me.
I'll always remember this one summer afternoon at the beach. I was surfing by a pier, the sky overhead was cloudless and azure blue. It really felt like summer. I was lying on my surfboard about twenty yards away from the shore, just past where the waves were breaking. It's easy to underestimate the ability of the current to tire you out, and I was taking a rest, just lying there, my arms dangling off the side of the board.
Suddenly the water got very still and I felt a chill run through me.
I thought I saw a large shadow pass under my board. To this day I don't know if I saw something or if it was my imagination, but it doesn't really matter. I came face to face with fear - lying on my board all alone in the ocean, helpless, with the company of some large fearsome fish - and I guess I've never been scared of sharks again. Strange, isn't it? Sooner or later you just get over fear, because you realize that if you don't, it will limit you. Danger is no less real once you encounter it, but you make the choice that you are willing to live with consequences.
Playing card games isn't exciting without risk. Neither is life.
I'm planning to visit a shark aquarium this summer.
I'll be honest, I've been dreading this post for a while. Not because I don't enjoy writing, because I truly do - but I have so much to write about and am afraid of sounding like I'm writing a timeline while recounting the past month. I'm still processing the fact that I have my first year of college under my belt. It can be summed up in these words: you don't realize how capable you are until you have no other option. Or rather, you learn just how merciful God is as he equips you to do what you couldn't do on your own.
I have been accepted into the nursing program at my university, and will begin clinical rounds this fall. One step closer to my dream of becoming a nurse. Even though I love my major and can't wait to see where nursing takes me, I keep asking myself, "is this my dream or is this what God has for me? Am I pursuing my own ambition or being let by the Lord?" Because I want to be doing what the Lord planned for me to do.
I believe that each one of us has a part to play in God's divine Plan. It's not so much "what is the Lord's plan for my life" as it is "how will He use me?"
Over the past several years I have been realizing that 1) I will probably be overseas after I graduate, 2) I will be working with the poor, and 3) I will be involved with orphans and victims of human trafficking. I don't know where I will be or how things will shape up. I don't know if it will be right after I graduate or 20 years up the road. But I know that, right now, I can pray and ask the Lord for guidance.
I don't need to know the whole road ahead yet, just the next step.
.JPG)
