Mindful

{As I proofread this post, I realized the irony of starting with a photograph that appears to have been taken through the window of a moving car. I just want to mention that the car was stopped, for those of you are wondering!}

Something I’ve given thought to recently is being mindful, not just the awareness and consciousness of the present but also the people around me and the circumstances God places in my life. 

Mindfulness is a buzzword in psychology, and though it tends toward relativistic thinking, I believe that being engaged in the present is something that our culture, myself included, isn’t spending enough time doing. With the many distractions and tuggings in a million shattered directions, we forget. 

Not just to-do lists and quizzes in class the next day. 

We forget to think. 

We redirect our thoughts. 

If there’s something we don’t want to think about, we don’t – there are countless other distractions. We try to ignore the unanswered questions and pain and hollowness inside, hoping that if we don’t notice it then maybe we can pretend it isn’t there. I’m not just talking about non-believers. Christ-followers experience the sweeping consequences of sin that leave the heart aching. 

But why? If you’ve given your life to Christ and are living in obedience to Him, why in the world is everything so broken? Bodies, families, relationships, trust, belief? Why in this world?

Why are the screaming crying prayers late at night, asking God for hope, seemingly answered with silence?

Didn’t a broken body hanging from a tree suffer enough for all of us?

Suffering for Christ’s sake, being burned at the stake for refusing to deny His name, this serves such a powerful purpose. A life sacrificed to the Lord is beautiful though laced with sorrow and pain. But the quiet suffering from day to day? A dying friend, a chronic illness, a broken marriage? 

What if a sacrificed life isn’t only martyrdom or dying for the sake of another? Could it be that living for the sake of others, enduring difficulties, and living for the sake of Another makes a sacrificed life? 

I came upon these berries a few weeks ago, nearly hurrying past on my way to class. If you don't stop now you never will, I told myself.  They are beautiful, the scarlet berries contrasting the green leaves. They make me think of bright red blood, and I suddenly remember Isaiah 53:5, "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."I need to stay mindful of the Cross. Of the reason why my life has a purpose and is redeemed. Without the Cross, there is no remedy to the pain and suffering in the world. Without the Cross I am not reconciled to God. Without the Cross no hope exists. At the Cross there is forgiveness, overwhelming grace, unrelenting love. Jesus' redemptive sacrifice has canceled the sin-debt and brought us into fellowship with God. For this there is wonder and thankfulness and worship. I don't fully comprehend, and my life does not always reflect, but I rest in the truth that Jesus is more than enough. There is hope, not just at the time of the redemption but throughout all time including the present, and every drop of pain in this life does not compare to the glory to come.

Not only is there grace for every difficult circumstance, but there is also an opportunity to bring glory to God and grow closer to Him while growing in endurance and character. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."  - 2 Corinthians 12:9

I. The Wanderer's Song

Find me, find me where the tall grass grows
In the sunlight-catching meadow
With the evening growing cold
Come winding down the path
Past the weeping willow trees
Leave your burden in the grass
Let the stillness set you free

Find me, find me in the morning dew
Where the silence is surrounding
And the sun rises anew
Here we will find our safety
From the shadows in the night
Which are cast long and far and
The light ever pursues

Find me, find me before we've grown old
So we may do so together
And brave the darkness and the cold
Our love will be fire
In the blackest nights and longest days
What is love that does not kindle
Other fires and light the way

True Religion

As believers, we need to realize what message we convey to non-believers. And I'm not really talking about the dangers of having tattoos or the occasional drink of wine or which part of town we hang out in. I hear the words "guard your testimony" often regarding what Christians should and shouldn't do. Clearly, Scriptures teach us to be holy and refrain from sin or the appearances of sin. However, the phrase "guard your testimony" doesn't really make sense when I think about it. Guard? My testimony? The only testimony I have is what Jesus did. And I don't want to guard it, I want to proclaim it and live it and make it known.
Sadly, the times I've been told to "guard my testimony" really did involve tattoos and what part of town I hung out in. And who I talked to.
One question. Who did Jesus hang out with?
Who did he come to save?
The Son of God went to the misfits, the beggars, the children, the sick, the prostitutes, the tax collectors. People that Christian culture seems to keep at an arms length and use hand sanitizer after encountering.
If avoiding being seen with my friend who has more earrings than ear and a rough band tee shirt is "guarding my testimony", then something isn't right. What if I told you that they called me on the phone to tell me that they had hit rock bottom and wanted to talk about Jesus? That they had been accused and judged by the Church community they visited, and afterward explored Buddhism because they wanted to learn how to love and find joy?

Jesus wants us to love people, not push them away with self-righteousness and airs of religious superiority. And we can. With His grace, we can become the Body of Christ that is a beacon of light and draws people in and gives them something to wonder about. We can show them that there is hope in the shattered, broken pieces, and that the love and sacrifice of Christ will bring them life.

Kindle A Fire

Love the light and let it change you.
Don't be afraid to have your shadows exposed.
Let it ignite a flame in your heart.
Kindle a fire in your chest.

 Sometimes, the darkness seems stronger. The battle seems lost. But the flame cannot be extinguished.
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." - John 1:5

Tidings of Peace

       My earliest memory of Christmas was when I was four. Until we grew much older, the clan would gather every blanket we could find and sleep on the floor of the living room on Christmas Eve night. Our reasoning was that we would be closer to the presents and Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle, and would be able to get to them faster in the morning. On this particular Christmas, I remember waking up with my sister and running to my parents’ room to get them up. Apparently it was 3 am, and they did not share the same enthusiasm for an early rising. However, my mom is an incredibly understanding person, and she knew we were excited to see what was in our stockings. She let us get one gift each out of our stockings. I don’t remember what I opened, but my sister got a sewing kit. For some reason, I still remember the orange scissors.

       After all these years, one thing that hasn’t changed is that us kids rush to get into our stockings first thing Christmas morning. In all honesty, I would rather sleep in and get to it later, but I have little siblings. And Christmas means the world to them, just as it did to me once. I am not eager for them to grow up. If they see their older siblings less excited than they are, I’m afraid they will be disappointed. So I jump out of bed however early it is and race them down the stairs. Mom follows a few minutes later, starts a fire, and then dad emerge half an hour later. He goes to the kitchen to start some coffee, and my little brother drags him to a chair and brings him his stocking. Dad always gets the same thing: Starbucks gift cards, pistachios, espresso beans, and a random assortment of antique coins or a book. 

       There’s something golden and sacred about my early memories of Christmas. When I was little, Christmas had a certain feeling that made me excited and a bit sorrowful and full of wonder. Every little detail in everything my parents did to make it special, to establish traditions, and make it Christ-honoring. Reading the Christmas story from scripture. Lighting candles. Opening tins of Christmas popcorn (and spilling tremendous amounts on the floor). Celebrating time as a family and blessing each other with presents.

       Why sorrowful? What was it that made me feel that as a four year old on Christmas? I think that even then I understood that I would grow up one day and would outgrow some things. Or maybe everything about Christmas with my family was so beautiful that it was like a small glimpse past the veil of Unsurpassed Beauty. The human heart aches after experiencing or beholding something beautiful; it is like the tides pulled by the moon. We long for the source of beauty; we long to behold something so great and other than. Homesick. Later I would realize that our celebration of the birth of Jesus is also a celebration of His sacrifice. To us a Child is born. For many of us, Christmas involves us being blessed and receiving; for the One who we celebrate, it was about sacrificing. Giving Himself. The sacrifice started long before the cross. What a burden for a newborn baby to take. Traveling to our little world and in humility being born to a virgin and a carpenter. God putting on flesh. Peace on earth and good will to men. Bringing life. What a strange and beautiful thing.

One Thing

In the hills of Israel God prepared a man who would lead His people. This man was a shepherd who grew up caring for his father's sheep and serenading mad royalty. Slaying giants and running from his enemies. He spent long hours in solitude, learning the ways of nature and of God. In Psalms 27, he writes, "One thing I ask of the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

One thing. Above riches and fame and success.

Everything changes when God becomes your one desire, one love, one vision. He becomes your obsession. As you become captivated by His beauty, it's no longer "gotta get my Bible time in before bed" but rather "how early can I wake up to spend time with God?"

However, that's not all. This is what changes everything: God wants you.

Christianity is the only religion in which a sovereign being wants a relationship with human beings. 

Think about that for a second.

 God wants relationship with you.

Treasure

Incase you haven't noticed, I post this photo a lot. I took it several years ago on a walk with my mom in the countryside, and it is one of my all-time favorites. Two of the best things - my mom and a wildflower. What do you hold dear? What do you love, cherish, try to protect and keep? Is it a dream, a treasured item, a person? And what measures would you take to keep it from harm? On my part, I cherish my relationships with the people I love. They have been cultivated carefully and are full of trust, affection, and sincerity. They are more important to me than my material possessions. And like precious items, time increases their value. My relationships with people have brought me comfort in hard times, helped me to grow, and given me opportunities to give of myself as well. Without these people I would not be where I am now. 

What do you cherish?

This morning I helped as a volunteer coordinator at the Special Olympics locally. It was one of the most rewarding experiences ever. And I have to say, I fell in love with every single person I worked with. Their minds and hearts carry something we can learn from. I want to understand what it means to give without expecting a return. I want to be full of life and full of love. 

"Meaning is in people, not things." What a simple truth. These are the wise words of my nursing instructor that she said in class one day and I've been processing ever since. It reminds me of the Mumford & Sons lyrics, "Where you invest your love, you invest your life." 

Choose to invest in people. Choose to see others through the eyes of compassion and love. Sometimes it takes a simple, childlike person to remind us that a smile wears better than a designer bag. 

apple pickin'

Anddd it's my first post since returning to school. That says a lot about what the past month has been like! I'm sure every college student will emphatically assert that their lives are busy, but I can say that I've been like a hamster on a treadmill since day one. Of course, I like it that way. If I had idle time I would idle it. However, classes have ramped up and I've had to work harder to keep on top of things. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself when you're stressed is to take a break and do something enjoyable. I went apple picking with these lovely ladies this morning. We took the 45 minute drive Sky Top Mountain, an extensive apple orchard best known for its fresh apple cider doughnuts. The orchard was beautiful - the view was fantastic, the atmosphere rustic and "pioneer-ish", and apparently everyone else thought so too. The line of vehicles up the mountain was jammed for miles.

Small Things

I'm in the process of reading "Come Be My Light", the private writings of Mother Teresa. It definitely isn't a "speed read" - I'm taking my time to go through it, making notes and reflecting along the way. Again and again I am struck by her supernatural selflessness and commitment to give God her all. She fell in love with Jesus and was so confident of His love for her that out of the overflow of her heart she touched others with His love. She insisted, "Don't look for big things, just do small things with great love...The smaller the thing, the greater must  be the love."

"Why must we give ourselves fully to God? Because God has given Himself to us. If God who owes nothing to us is ready to impart to us no less than Himself, shall we answer with just a fraction of ourselves? To give ourselves fully to God is a means of receiving God Himself. I for God and God for me."